Business Plan for Agnes Penbrook

(Disclaimer: I have changed the name of this person to protect them from ridicule since I am, in fact, poking fun at them. However, in my defense – most of this is true).

I would like to start by telling you a little bit about myself, my background, and why I have a passion for all things tiny.

From the time that I was a small girl I always found myself inexplicably drawn to miniature people. My parents validated my obsession by getting me my first dollhouse. I would spend hours and hours painstakingly designing and decorating those miniscule rooms in a way that fit the personalities of each and every member of my new tiny family. Oh sure! We didn’t always see eye to eye when it came to décor and furniture placement, but there was always lots of love and laughter echoing through the halls of that little plastic house. Sometimes as I would lie in bed, my mind spinning with ideas for my ant-like family, I could hear their teeny squeaky voices complaining….”Oh, the feng shui this and the feng shui that, why did she choose that color, these pillows are itchy, why am I always on the couch and why is my hair painted on my head? I would hear their cries and it would make me laugh out loud. I would just say to myself, “in the morning I think I’ll show them who’s boss” and I would make them all stand on their heads for hours on end. I guess I loved the rush of power – I ruled with an iron fist but my heart was pure gold. Those were some of the BEST years of my life. (more…)

Pass the Puppy

So I was talking to my friend the other day and she informed me that some ‘skeletal remains’ that appeared to be from a dog, were found in the creek near her neighborhood. This IS a neighborhood that has a higher population of Korean families and although my friend is Asian, she has stressed that she is Chinese and does NOT eat dogs.

Here’s the way it works – when you live in America it’s really not cool to eat a dog.

I would imagine that to the locals walking down the market streets of Gyeonggi-do, the smokey sweet aroma of blackened Weimaraner is just too irresistible; much like a crack whore’s first hit off the pipe. But here in this country, it’s just down right creepy to think about. In America, dogs are our pets. More than that; they are family. We talk in complete sentences to them, dress them in designer clothing and sometimes even kiss them on the mouth. At no time are we ever inclined to fire up the barbie and throw little pom-pom on the spit. What must the Koreans be thinking as we parade our pets up and down their neighborhood streets? WE look down and see the fluffy object of our affection; a loving and faithful companion. THEY see the equivalent of a delectible dairy queen blizzard at the end of a pink tether.

Believe me, I’m not judging. I’m sure the people of India are equally horrified when they come here and see their sacred brethren on a hamburger bun; however, that is not my culture and try as I might I will never see my dog as a grocery item. So for the safety of my four-legged loved ones, I think I will just keep them inside with me and not leave them unattended lest they end up in someones crock pot.

Take Three

Reading out loud in class. Besides trying to discern each night what mythical creature was looming in the darkness behind my bedroom door; this was my first real terror.

I absolutely LOVED reading books and only moderately tolerated having to do a writing assignment.

However, having to read OUT LOUD in front of my peers was cause for unprecedented anxiety and loss of bladder control.

I hated it more than anything. And so, I began to experiment with new and inventive ways to get out of having to do it. To my disappointment, neither my emotional intensity, nor my acting skills spared me the chore of reading out loud in class.
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