Business Plan for Agnes Penbrook

(Disclaimer: I have changed the name of this person to protect them from ridicule since I am, in fact, poking fun at them. However, in my defense – most of this is true).

I would like to start by telling you a little bit about myself, my background, and why I have a passion for all things tiny.

From the time that I was a small girl I always found myself inexplicably drawn to miniature people. My parents validated my obsession by getting me my first dollhouse. I would spend hours and hours painstakingly designing and decorating those miniscule rooms in a way that fit the personalities of each and every member of my new tiny family. Oh sure! We didn’t always see eye to eye when it came to décor and furniture placement, but there was always lots of love and laughter echoing through the halls of that little plastic house. Sometimes as I would lie in bed, my mind spinning with ideas for my ant-like family, I could hear their teeny squeaky voices complaining….”Oh, the feng shui this and the feng shui that, why did she choose that color, these pillows are itchy, why am I always on the couch and why is my hair painted on my head? I would hear their cries and it would make me laugh out loud. I would just say to myself, “in the morning I think I’ll show them who’s boss” and I would make them all stand on their heads for hours on end. I guess I loved the rush of power – I ruled with an iron fist but my heart was pure gold. Those were some of the BEST years of my life.

After I turned 38, I started feeling that maybe I needed a change so I decided to burn my dollhouse to the ground. At first everyone thought I did it for the insurance money, but no, I just knew there had to be something more for me out there and I intended to hunt it down and make mine! That something new came in the form of 12-inch action figures and Barbie has-beens. I know that those two things may seem very far apart in terms of relatedness but are they not still small and under my control and power?? Yes… yes they are.

Anyhoo! I came up with the idea for ‘FANTASY LAND’ late one night after watching Gulliver’s Travels on A&E and decided that my store will be different, my store will be a magical place, full of a thousand tiny wonders just waiting to be loved and cherished by others. People, who like myself, had a late onset of puberty and never fully recovered from that stigma. Others, who may also find solace in the god-like responsibility of caring for and dominating an entire village of small people.

If given the opportunity, I KNOW that I have what it takes to finally, once and for all, prove to all those people who kept telling me that “the government doesn’t loan money to people with low serotonin uptake syndrome,” and “you can’t work a business if your institutionalized,” blah, blah, blah. Well, to hell with all the negativity I say! You make your own way in this world and those that try to keep you down are just jealous! Or maybe they work for the state – but anyway, I can overcome ALL of that, I just need a chance, a chance to make my life long dream become a reality! (And quite possibly a day pass because these guys can be real sticklers about rules). So if it’s not too much to ask and if I can get out on good behavior, I would really like some money to make my dream come true – besides, I already spent the insurance money on a new wardrobe for Cross Dresser Barbie, the bitch has expensive taste.

Thanks a million!

Sincerely,
Agnes Penbrook