Did Someone Lose A Glass Eye?

I used to work for LifeTime Fitness. It was the “Sams” of all the gyms – enormous in size, the 120,000 square foot coliseum consists of a spa, a cafe, two indoor pools, one outdoor pool and enough cardio equipment to accommodate a small village. People would come in droves – it looked more like the entrance gate to Disney World than to a gym – and they just kept coming. There was a youthful vibe that sort of felt like you were stepping into a trendy Latin club. Oh, how I miss my 5.5 run on a state-of-the-art treadmill while watching 7 different TV programs…simultaneously.

I now work for a hospital – in their cardiovascular center. They, too, have a gym and one indoor pool. But the Latin vibe has been more appropriately replaced by easy listening and early 80’s ballads. My flat screens, airing the latest episodes of CSI, The Office and day time soap operas, are now filled with the likes of Glenn Beck and a variety of commentators at Fox News. My gym now has a “post WWII, I survived the depression and will die wearing my Vote For Rush campaign button on my fedora”…kind of vibe.

In a 70+ geriatric environment, the energy wanes somewhat -in fact, there isn’t too much energy really as most of our members move slow and with careful purpose. The rules and regulations for keeping things safe change drastically too in a place where people tend to have balance issues. Perusing the cardio area with a metal detector should be added to our list of classes as many members are forever leaving things behind- like hearing aids, reading glasses, pill boxes and partials. Our lost & found looks like an old person disintegrated and all that was left was an upper plate, a pacemaker and some tums.

At the CVC, our most popular piece of “equipment” would have to be the indoor track – no buttons to push or moving parts to be wary of, just 1/16th of a mile of grey shock absorbent faux asphalt. The rules of the track dictate, that on odd days people must walk in clockwise direction while on even days they walk in a counter clockwise direction. I’ve seen more fist fights among old men just because they forgot it was Tuesday. The dementia folks, however, don’t really walk – they tend to more or less wander….away somewhere.

Once in a while, on a vary rare occasion, like when there’s a full moon or Vampire Diaries has been preempted by a speech from the President, will we get a stray young person. Their brightly colored clothing and quick, bird-like movements catch the eye of the “others” – who cast sideways glares through slitted eyes as the new comer nimbly hops on a treadmill. I see the rolling of their eyes and the disgust on their faces as they presume that this individual’s sole objective for being there is to flaunt their agility and good hips.

To our elderly patrons credit…I commend them for showing up and doing what they can. And from my own personal observations – many of them could out run and out last a few of my 30 something year old friends who have never been to a gym and get winded putting on a coat.