Death By Drapery

Isn’t it bad enough that I can no longer donate my blood plasticized by hydrogenated oils and I am confined to the indoors on days that reach above 90 degrees because the ozone is deemed “unsafe” for any person(s) who happen to have lungs? Now I have to worry about poisoning myself with throw pillows and other decorative items??

Ang and I went to JCPenny recently as we were wanting to purchase some new curtains for our guest room. It’s a rather large window so we had to “special order” the curtains which took about 2 weeks. You can imagine the excitement and anticipation we felt when we received the long awaited call that our drapery “was in.” Of course, Ang and I were a little disappointed that there wouldn’t be anymore sock puppet shows to put on for the neighbors out walking in the evening, but the privacy and modesty of Ang’s mother took presidence.

The problem started once we had the curtains up for about a day. Apparently, insulated lining and hot sun do not mix – but who would have thought that curtains of all things, would be toxic? I was not a happy customer and so I did what any dissatisfied consumer would do and I gave them….A BAD REVIEW.
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Drive By…Shot Down

I have to say – I really thought that the schmoozy, creepy guy was a thing of the past, you know, now that we are well into the new millennium. Apparently, that genetic mutation has not been bred out completely and has instead been merely suppressed, waiting for just the right inappropriate moment to surface.

It was around 9:30 a.m. this morning – Ang and I just finished our grocery shopping and were headed towards the car when a slightly plump guy of unknown sexual orientation rolled up beside us in his Kia Rio.

Guy: Excuse me, (directed to Ang), but I noticed you in the store and I have to say, I think you’re gorgeous – if your not seeing anyone, would it be okay if I get your phone number?”

Ang: Thanks but…

Me: Well, she’s seeing me actually – but I too appreciate the compliment.
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That Makes Me Maa-yad.

Everyone has a pet peeve or two – you wouldn’t be normal if you didn’t. Lately, I have tried to spend less time on my “peeves” and more time being deeply thankful that I’m of sound enough mind to have peeves in the first place, and to be able to bitch about them openly, from time to time.

This is one of those times.

When in God’s name are they gonna plug up that f****ing hole!??

All the accusations about not following regulations, about being cheap and cutting corners, is a bunch of blah, blah, blah bullshit. I don’t really care who “started it,” I just want it fixed before the Great Barrier Reef is upstaged by “The Gulf of Mutated Wonders.” Besides, I imagine when it’s all said and done BP will be retiring from the oil business and spending the rest of their days in a purgatory of unending community service, sponge bathing pelicans and dolphins with Dawn liquid.

I’m sure you’ve seen the same videos that I have – the ones showing people using human hair, chicken feathers, and hay to absorb bowls of oil – and yet BP chooses to spray some sort of “questionable” chemical into the Gulf which only serves to break the oil up into smaller pools. Big freaking deal.

Waaa-laahh! We now have several smaller masses of ecosystem destroying oil floating around instead of just ONE! Pretty cool, huh? Yeah…no…not so much. All that’s been accomplished is that droves of volunteers are going home sick and the marine life is now being suffocated AND poisoned. Brilliant.

And whose bright idea was it to call James Cameron?? Really?? That’s the best they could come up with? “Well, we tried the mile long pipe thingy, and the superglue didn’t work. “I guess that’s it guys, we’re at our wits end- better call an Oscar winning Hollywood director in here, STAT!” Look BP, it’s like this – we’re sorry about the whole Tea Party thing, but you Brits can be a little uptight and unbending – still, it’s no reason to go f***ing up the Gulf of Mexico. Quit being idiots and get the damn hole plugged up already and try to remember that Mr. Cameron is a “movie director”….it’s make believe.